


MYSTERY SIBS: The Mystery of the Lighthouse and the Jade Key

by FunkMcLovin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Murder Mystery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24362770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin
Summary: Based on this tweet's character designs:https://twitter.com/kittycosmic/status/1264602994164695040?s=20
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. In Which The Sibs Witness A Grisly Demise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids arrive at their latest job: A simple vandalism investigation. Surely this will be a quick and painless affair!

The air was heavy and hot. It was midsummer in Michigan, which didn't mean high temperatures, in fact, someone from Florida or California might find it quite pleasant. But to Karkat and Nepeta, veterans of the muggy air, it was far from it.

"The air feels like the inside of a dog's mouth," Karkat said, his feet pedalling the Schwinn bicycle he and his sister were riding.

"Don't be so dramatic," Nepeta said, holding Karkat's shoulders, standing on the back pegs of the bike.

"I'm sorry," Karkat said, offended, ready to springboard into one of his trademarked verbose tantrums. "Are you the one pedalling uphill in nintey-five degrees of eighty-percent humidity? Are you the one with sweat pouring down his back? No. You get to stand on the pegs like some kind of overzealous bike ornament while I do all the pedalling!"

As usual, to Karkat's outburst, Nepeta giggled. This was not the reaction Karkat wanted, but it was the one he was expecting.

"If you're so hot, why do you wear that big black sweatshirt everywhere?" Asked Nepeta, innocently. She already knew the answer, but she knew asking would push her brother's buttons.

"So I have something to strangle you with in a pinch," he grumbled, squeezing the brakes.

The bike skidded to a halt before a large gate. Waves could be heard lapping the shore. Lake Michigan was a formidable lake, big enough to be a sea, and as such, required numerous lighthouses to keep boats safe from the shores.

Beyond the gate was one such lighthouse, surrounded by a few buildings. This particular lighthouse was decomissioned, serving as a tourist destination and bed-and-breakfast.

"Is this the place?" Asked Nepeta.

"No, it's the OTHER decomissioned lighthouse on the outskirts of Petoskey," replied a grumpy brother. Nepeta was used to Karkat's chronic crabbiness, something she had long since learned to decode and filter out. This, of course, irritated her brother.

Nepeta flounced up to the gate, opening it, stepping onto the gravel walkway that led towards one of the buildings that dotted the grounds. Karkat locked the bike and followed, hands stuffed in his grey pants pockets.

Inside the building, a wash of cool air flooded over the duo. Karkat sighed, very happy to be inside an air conditioned room. The building was a little cozy management building, serving as check-in for the BnB. Nepeta approached the counter, letting her brother slouch in a leather chair in the waiting area.

"Why hello, welcome to the Clearwater Lighthouse Bed-and-Breakfast Experience! Do you have a reservation?" The woman at the desk chirped a well-recited line at Nepeta, her dimpled cheeks surrounding a big, eager grin. Her hands were folded politely. Nepeta smiled back, but secretly thought this woman looked like a toad.

"Sorry, no, we're sixteen!" She said, leaning on the desk. Nepeta was an odd-looking girl, short and messy-haired, wearing fingerless gloves. She looked like a tiny biker with the disposition of a Disney animal mascot. "My brother and I are actually detectives! We're here because the owner wanted some help catching some vandals."

"Oh, golly gosh!" Said the woman at the desk, standing up. "We've been expecting you two. Sorry, kids, I didn't expect you to be... Well, kids." She stood up, bustling down a hallway and out of earshot.

"Did toad-lady just say 'golly gosh,' and mean it?" Asked Karkat with a scoff. Nepeta snorted, turning to face him.

"I was just thinking the same thing!!"

The two had to stifle their giggle-fit becauase the woman was returning with a distinguished-looking gentleman in a suit and tie.

"Ah, the Mystery Sibs," he said, opening his arms. "Welcome to my humble little slice of heaven. I hope you're well. Forgive Aradia and me for not recognizing you. We weren't aware you were... Children!"

"Our track record speaks for itself," said Karkat. He was used to this. Not only were the duo young, they were quite short, too. Karkat, the taller of the duo, stood a meager five foot two, and Nepeta merely four feet eleven. While the latter was at peace with her height, Karkat would often insist he would "hit a growth spurt soon."

"Too right! Too right," said the gentleman, shaking Nepeta and Karkat's hand in turn. "Please, allow me to introduce myself. I know we spoke over the phone, but we have yet to meet in person. I am Jacoby Saint-Siens Harley Alabaster English! You charming kids can call me Mr. Jake!"

"Good, I wouldn't have remembered the whole thing," muttered Karkat under his breath. Nepeta smacked him upside the head.

"Please excuse my brother! His brain got fried by the humidity on the bike ride up," She said, cheerfully. "It's great to meet you Mr. Jake."

Mr. Jake seemed not to take notice of Karkat's mumblings, simply laughing. His hair was completely absent, leaving a patchy bald head behind. What he lacked in head hair, however, he made up for on his upper lip, sporting a broad white mustache that tilted as he spoke and emoted. Presently, it turned up over his smiling face. His big square glasses practically glistened, making his green eyes even more big and expressive.

"Well, come with me, kids, I'll show you the issue we've been having." He beckoned them to follow, opening the door back into the muggy heat outside. Karkat made a strangled noise as he was pulled by his sister from the comfy cool registration building.

The three of them strode across the grass directly towards the lighthouse. It was immediately clear what the problem was as they rounded the west side of the tall structure. Someone had spray-painted the sides with countless insignias. Odder still, was the paint splotches reached from the base to the top of the lighthouse!

"Alright up there, Equius?" Mr. Jake called up to a man who was standing on some scaffolding, scrubbing the paint away. The man was small from the kids' vantage, but they could make out a thumbs up in their direction as he scrubbed, taking his hat off to wipe his brow.

"As you can see, we're baffled! Someone's been stealing in at night, and by morning, there are new marks all over my beautiful lighthouse! It's a travesty, I'm sure you agree." Mr. Jake said. When Karkat and Nepeta both nodded, he continued. "We must find this perpetrator and bring her to justice at once!"

Impassioned and theatrical, he put his hand on his heart, head sinking low.

"You can trust us, Mr. Jake." Said Karkat, showing a rare spark of sincerity. Nepeta agreed. "I think that it's awful to deface a piece of history like this." Nepeta couldn't help but giggle. It was funny when Karkat was sincere! He shot her a dirty look.

"Wonderful! Now, I'd love to let you two get down to it, but first. Lunch! You two must have had quite the trek up the hill to get here!" He said, clapping his hands together.

"We sure did!" Nepeta said, grinning at Karkat, who balled his fists and growled.

"Please excuse my sister, sir," said Karkat, "She didn't lift a finger to help me bike up this way, so I will make sure her portion reflects her level of physical activity."

"Nonsense!" laughed Mr. Jake. "You two should eat as much as you like! You're not teenagers forever, you know." He sighed wistfully, turning his back on the kids, reminiscing, gazing out on the lake.

"Ah, yes, I remember when I was but a lad, so innocent and free! Those halcyon days don't come back, so seize them while you can before your innocence is dashed away like a meteor from the sky."

As he finished speaking, Equius, the caretaker, came crashing down from the scaffolding, landing head-first on the grass with a sickening, dull crunch.


	2. In Which the Mystery Sibs do some Scooby Doo Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and Nepeta are taken off the case, but that doesn't stop them.

Nepeta and Karkat sat back in the waiting room of the registration building. By now, police were all bustling about, taping off the scene of the crime. Mr. Jake sat with them, looking absolutely distraught.

"Dear, sweet Equius!" he wailed. "Oh, what a loyal man! How could he have been killed like this?"

Karkat and Nepeta, who didn't know Equius well enough to mourn, exchanged an awkward look. For some reason, Mr. Jake had seated himself between the Mystery sibs, Aradia standing by, handing him a steady stream of kleenex. She had that same smile on her face, apparently upreterbed by the whole "grisly death" thing.

"There... There?" Karkat said, grimacing. This was a mistake, for immediately, Mr. Jake flung his arms around the petite youngster, wailing on Karkat's shoulder. Mr. Jake, being nearly a foot taller and wider, than Karkat, nearly knocked the poor detective over.

"Don't worry, Mr. Jake, we'll get to the bottom of this," said Nepeta with a surprising degree of determination. Karkat blinked.

"We will?" he said, confused.

"Oh (sniffle) young Miss Nepeta. I can't (sniff) have you doing that! This is hardly a mere vandalism case any longer! (snrk) We will entrust this investigation to the police. Besides," he said, wiping his nose on Karkat's sweater. "It appears to be just a simple accident. Tragic as it is, we can be thankful no foul play was involved!"

Suddenly, the door to the building flew open. A voice rang out from outside.

"Right!" the voice said. It was feminine and stentorian, booming into the little building. To Nepeta and Karkat, this voice was quite familiar. "Now then, we've cordoned off the scene and everything appears to be in order. If the three witnesses could come with me for questioning!"

"Is that... Detective Crocker?" Karkat said, leaning his head to try to peek at the speaker.

"Oh heavens, it's YOU two," came the accusatory response. Sure enough, Detective Jane Crocker rounded the corner, her trilby hat tilted down over her glasses, buck teeth set in a glower. "Why is it that whenever trouble turns up in this sleepy town, I find you two at its coattails?"

Nepeta and Karkat rolled their eyes. Detective Crocker was a long-time thorn in their side. Not the most bright of detectives, she was a fierce career woman, always trying to claw her way up in the ladder of the police precinct.

"Maybe trouble is at our coattails?" Said Nepeta, crossing her arms.

To the duo's astonishment, however, Jane's ire didn't stay on them for long. She turned to Mr. Jake, an accusatory finger pointed at Jake, who, alarmingly, looked absolutely horrified to see Jane.

"And YOU!" she said, teeth gritted.

"Haha!" Mr. Jake laughed nervously, leaning away from Jane in his seat, encroaching onto Nepeta's shoulder. "H-hello dear! Wonderful to see you!"

"Don't you 'hello dear' me, mister!" She growled, leaning across Karkat to jab him in the chest. Jake raised his hands like she was brandishing a gun. "Your negligence led to the death of an innocent man! Where were the guardrails on that scaffolding? You're lucky the other man didn't fall off, too!"

"What! I beg your pardon!" Mr. Jake said, flushing red. "That scaffolding was safe as houses!"

"Wait!" Karkat said, pushing Jane and Jake apart, frowning. "Other man?"

Jane seemed to remember Karkat was there, blinking at him, dumbfounded.

"Yes, the other gentleman, up on the scaffolding with this Equius fellow," Jane said. Karkat and Nepeta exchanged another look. Something didn't smell right, here.

"There was only Equius up there." Said Karkat, looking to Jake for support.

"Er, yes," said Mr. Jake, composing himself. "When I showed these youngsters the graffitti, only Equius was doing the scrubbing."

Jane's face turned red, one part embarrassed, one part enraged.

"Shit!" She said.

"Oy! Don't curse in front of the children, Jane," Jake said indignantly. Jane waved him off, rubbing her chin.

"I already interviewed the other man who I found up there, but I let him go already! God, so STUPID..." Crocker swivelled to prod Mr. Jake's chest again. "And what's this, then? Calling children to investigate a simple vandalism?" To Jane's words, Jake bristled.

"I already called your office to try to have it dealt with, but your secretary, that horrid Mr. Makara, said you weren't taking any calls from me! So I had to call these Private Investigators."

Jane and Mr. Jake were standing, now, much to the relief of the sibs, arguing openly. This gave Nepeta a chance to pull Karkat aside.

"Pst. Hey," she whispered, nodding her head to the door. "We ought to check out the crime scene."

"I'm sorry, what?" Karkat was incredulous.

"Didn't you hear her? There was some mystery man up on the scaffolding. Someone we didn't see. This is all kind of fishy, right?"

"Well, yeah, but- Come on, Nep, this is way out of our league! Murder? Suicide? Whatever you call it, there's a creepy dead body out there and I don't want any part of it. Paint on a big sea-phallus is one thing, but this is something else entirely!" In spite of his insistence, he found himself being pulled outside by Nepeta.

On the side of the lighthouse, there was now yellow caution tape surrounding the scene. Equius lay under a blanket and the scaffold remained. A single person stood just outside the caution tape, arms folded, back to the kids.

As they approached, the single stranger was approached by another stranger, holding a notepad. Another detective, perhaps?

"Pardon me, sir, could you answer a few questions?" The woman asked. The man, a tall fellow with blonde hair, about Nepeta and Karkat's age, turned to face the detective.

"Uh, sure," he replied, breaking out of a stupor. This gave Nepeta and Karkat a chance to take a peek past the police tape.

"I don't think we should BE here," Karkat mumbled, nonetheless following his sister towards the tarp that hid Equius's body.

"Shush! Are you a detective, or not?"

Karkat didn't say anything, lingering back as Nepeta crouched near the tarp. They both braced themselves for seeing a dead body, unsure of what might appear before them...

But when Nepeta raised the tarp...

The groundskeeper's body was gone. In its place, a broken stiff-bristled brush.


End file.
